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Do Your Friends Dump You When They Date?

dumping your friends2

New York City is a fabulous place to be because you live through many experiences like flashers, muggers and mean subway attendants; so we tend to keep our relationships with our friends tight because they understand these highs and low and they become like family to many of us New York transplants. Sharing NYC horror stories with your friends is a pass time without comparison. And when you're single and your friends are single things make sense--you plan dinners, dancing, and fun times around the town. It's through these friendships that we learn a little more about ourselves and discover the good, the bad and the ugly. But what happens when you start to discover "not so good" things about your friends?

Ben is single and constantly loses touch with his friends when he thinks he "finds the one". He admits he's confused when it comes to splitting his time fairly between his friends and new beau and while he wants to divide his time equally, he leans towards his new boy toy more leaving his friends high and dry. He's scared of eventually losing his friends but that's a chance he's willing to take because after all--what if this guy turns out to be "the one"?

Off the top of my head, I can name four of my friends that suffer from the friend/boyfriend-merry-go-round syndrome just like Ben. These friends are always around when single, but vanish out of sight (like Mexicans at an immigration raid) when they have a new play thing in their toy box. It happens slowly but eventually they become masters of excuses; rationalizing why they're no longer available, explaining why they can't come out to play, and justify reasons for their constant absence.  And you give them space because you want them to enjoy their new found relationship--you're not a tyrant, but you also understand that being with someone every free minute isn't healthy; so you let things run its course.

And a  few weeks later, your never-around-friend starts to call a little more frequently which is code for "they're single again". And before you know it, it's like things never changed and just when you feel safe to pencil them in for sex-talk brunch Sundays and bitch-about-work Wednesdays--the cycle starts over again. They're nowhere to be found. Is it a core values dysfunction? A disconnect with the definition of friendship? Or are these friends just horny and just want to fall in love--like Mariah Carey?

When choosing to bring people into our lives and create significant bonds of friendships, why do so many dump their friends when they finally find a significant other? In a time when banks, businesses and governments are losing their value, I can't help but wonder, "Are we losing stock in the friendship market?"

Do you have friends like these? How do you cope with their behavior?

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