The Price of Happiness

There should come a time in your life when you question the way you’ve been living and how you’ve been reacting to life. What’s your exact role in things that have and have never been? Instead, we point fingers and play the blame game. “If she would have just called me back, I never would’ve stalked her and ended up in prison because all I have to show for it are dead skin cells I collected off her bathroom floor. If only he would’ve shaved his back hair, maybe…just maybe I would’ve brought him to this pool party but I’m stuck here alone and now I’ll have to get drunk and have sex with someone just to give me a ride back home but not before stopping at the pharmacy for the morning after pill.” And let’s not forget the, “I’m over 30, never been married so I spend my entire existence on, OK Cupid, and Nerve looking for a guy who will tolerate me but since I can’t find one I’m forced to sleep my way through their profiles anyway!”

When did life become so goal oriented? Am I living in the past for believing that life is about the journey, not the destination? Take chances, take risks, date without wanting to get into a relationship that leads to marriage then adopting a Chinese baby because of uterus problems, then hiring a older Mexican woman named Carmen to iron your clothes because you’re too resentful to touch your partner’s clothing since you wanted to go with a Black child to car pool with the neighbors.

It’s not about winning or losing; instead, be happy. Let your heart dictate your choices for a while–not the sad, lonely, desperate place that keeps feeding you wrong information like: you’re old, you’re pathetic, no really, you look good in spandex, so go ahead–wear them out of the house and flirt with boys 20 years younger than you. Yeah, that part of you lies–trust me, ditch the spandex.

That place is only trying to get you to your end destination by any means necessary and it’s not always nice. If you’re going to date, make sure it’s someone you like. (And don’t waste your time on a non-date date) If you’re going to have sex, make sure you feel the chemistry. If you’re going to stay married, make sure it’s someone you can still have a passionate conversation with. Don’t rush it. Don’t worry about your age, weight, tooth loss (okay, maybe about tooth loss) but just be happy.

And so what if it hurts or you break down? You’re going to experience pain, loss and devastation regardless–what makes you more special than the rest of us? But it’s okay. We’ll all get through it. I promise. We have special moments worth remembering, remember? We’ve experienced the sweet sexy laughter of another person who was completely into us at the time–don’t let that go–don’t obsess over it either–but if it happened once, it’ll happen again. You know what it feels like to have someone hold you tight at night and share pillow talk; don’t look back at it as a waste of time, but see the beauty in those moments like when you gave him mouth-to-penis therapy and he dusted your knees off when you finished. Sure, he never called you back and later he “unfriended” you on facebook–but dam it–it was precious!

We never love in vain, because love is love. And if it didn’t work out, move on. Don’t waste another sunrise–pack up that experience and the lessons learned and get ready because you, my dear, are on the verge of a brand new love experience…and when does it begin? When you give the cue, that’s when.

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The NonDate Date Illsion
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