What Are Your Couple Complaints?

Seems as though life is getting tougher for everyone all around. Even Jennifer Lopez had to take a gig with American Idol because the music/movie fairy finally paid her a visit to explain that the fairy dust she’d sprinkled over her a few years ago has expired. But one thing that’s remained the same is that universal feeling that makes you feel dirty, disgusted, and soiled–you know, love. And what happens after we spend numerous hours online looking through profiles, or beg our friends to introduce us to the cute guy with teeth; we fall in love…and then, the complaints start.

LostPlum: He says I baby him.

Nando: What does he mean by that?

LostPlum: I don’t know–I didn’t ask.

Nando: Well, mine just sits there sometimes–like luggage.

LostPlum: How?

Nando: A few weeks ago we went out with several friends. And I think he said 2 words.

LostPlum: What were they?

Nando: How the hell should I know? I wasn’t paying attention.

Being in a new relationship has several layers; it takes time to really get to know someone. The first few months are child’s play. Everyone’s polite and you’re totally considerate of one another. “Oh, you wanna watch that movie? Sure!” But after you hit 8 months, it’s a battlefield over the remote control. And I guess things progress after you’ve been married for five years and 2 kids.

Cris: And that’s why you’re mad?

Nando: Yes, he sent me a text saying, “Put clothes on, my brother’s coming over!”

Cris: And?

Nando: I had clothes on.

Cris: Where they your coochi cutters?

Nando: Yeah.

Cris: You can’t prance around in Daisy Dukes with a conservative Mexican family. What’s wrong with you?

Nando: You’re taking his side? Do 26 years of gayship mean nothing to you?

Cris: My husband once told me that he had invited people over for dinner.

Nando: What’s wrong with that?

Cris: He asked me not to cook because he didn’t want the people to get sick, and asked if I’d pick up something instead.

Nando: Did you?

Cris: Yeah, but I thought about poisoning his share of the food.

In a time when relationship are hard to come by, and even harder to maintain, I can’t help but wonder, “Are our couple complaints considered progress or failures? And at what point in a relationship should we break the silence and voice our real thoughts?” I see my relationship “big picture” and understand that two humans interacting daily–so closely–will get on one another’s nerve–but I want to be with him because he’s an amazing person and the good, the bad and the ugly will be part of experience. What are some of the things you complain about–consider this your bitch forum! Leave a comment.

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