The problem with hiring a life coach is that at first glance you might not know what to look for since each coach markets to unique aspects of life and problem-solving. Some are fitness coaches, dating coaches, lifestyle coaches and the list goes on and on — and having options is great because I believe that one size doesn’t fit all. If coaching is for you — and before you commit to it –you may want to ask yourself three vital questions:
1.Why do I want coaching in the first place?
2. What do I want to accomplish with coaching?
3. Why now?
It seems simple and straight forward, right, but those three questions will stop a person in their tracks and if you take a close look, this is the exact thing that stops you in the other areas in your life. Another problem with hiring a life coach is that you have to get clear on what you want to create now–not in 1 year, or 5 years, but now. That’s the difference with therapy and coaching — coaching is 100% goal oriented, that’s how we know you are #winning in your coaching–it’s you taking action. Even if you don’t accomplish you goals by the time your coaching is complete — discovering why you get stopped in certain areas in your life is key because now you know what’s stopping you from moving forward and pushing past obstacles.
Here’s the meat of this blog – and the reason I wrote it — there’s another problem with hiring a life coach — three problems actually and they are:
A life coach is not your friend or a therapist. My job is to help you be in self-inquiry ALWAYS and what that looks like is me constantly asking you questions like, “So you just missed our session, what about coaching makes it come up to you as “Oh, I’ll just miss my session NO BIG DEAL?” That question in itself is so confronting that you get armed with all your defenses, excuses, and reasons. You might even lash out and accuse me of asking for perfection from you but it’s not. Perfection is not even part of the equation — the only thing present was “what about coaching makes it pop up as no big deal, I’ll just no-show or cancel?” Another inquiry might be — why haven’t you done the work you agreed to do? Or Why are you always 10 minutes late to your calls? How you show up to your life coaching sessions is how you show up in life. There is no difference. And once we can answer these crucial questions — we can get to the bottom of why your life isn’t working the way you want it to and we can now start to discover why you’re stuck in a lousy high-stress job, crappy relationships, and a body you dislike? (Or whatever it is for you)
Hiring a life coach to help you create achievable goals sounds amazing and fun in theory and it is all fun and games until someone gets triggered. I base my coaching foundation on NLP coaching and my clients know that the work we do is about “being.” There is a way we “be” in life and that way of being makes us show up in life as: a go-getter, someone who always fails, a person who everyone says yes to — these are all ways of being. If you work in HR and people are always saying NO to you – how effective will you be at work? Policy change, nope. New wellness initiative, absolutely not. New referral program idea, are you kidding me? Everyone always says NO to you. And that’s because there is a way that you’re “being” in life and how you show up at work that isn’t working for the goals you’re trying to create. In life coaching — we approach that way of being and deconstruct it and rebuild (and it’s not like following a recipe: add 2 tablespoons of sugar, 3 cups or flour). It sometimes can look like: 5 cups of rage, 3 tablespoons of self-hatred, and 20 ounces of lack of integrity. Some people do not want to take on a new way of being and that in itself triggers them and what that looks like is: “Stop telling me what to do and I no longer want to ever talk about that – let’s move onto the next thing!” Now, if I were a crappy coach I’d allow it. “Okay, sure, sounds good – let’s get to the easy stuff,” I’d reply. But how will you grow? How will you get that new business off the ground? How will you get that new relationship you’ve been craving? How will you transform that way of being from “This is too hard, next!” to “I am so worthy, hand me my battle gear…let’s have a breakthrough you pushy Mexican!” Life coaching isn’t for the weak, I will tell you right now, expect to be triggered. Fun, right?
You came to a coach for a purpose and that may change half way through coaching because you now discovered that the business you really want to create had nothing to do with your original idea. See, in coaching, you get challenged–your small way of showing up in life (and we all do in certain areas) gets challenged and if you take on the challenge you might figure out that the one sound healing meditation class you wanted to create is now too small for you and now you want to open a center for sound healing meditation but certain limited beliefs were holding you back! What? But don’t break out the ceremony guest list just yet — there is more to work through. We will create a structure for the new goal to make sure it’s achievable, obtainable and realistic. I won’t just allow you to throw out mega ideas without helping you truly achieve them but you can’t get “there” unless you challenge yourself.
If you’re wondering if hiring a life coach is right for you – reach out. I’m always happy to speak to people who are in inquiry in their lives and want to create a new one! I’ll be waiting.
*all pics for the post were found on unsplash from amazing photographers!